14 Signs Your Baby Isn't a Baby Anymore (Waah!)
Skip the milestone chart and follow these more reliable indicators
You've finally caught up from the sleep deprivation of the baby phase, and you're getting the hang of this whole parenting thing. Except for one thing: After the flurry of first smiles, first steps, and first time using the Apple TV remote, you realize that your little baby might not be so little anymore. Here are the signs.
1. Actually naps at a predictable time, which means you can finally "nap when the baby naps"-except, what's that? He just gave up his nap.
2. "Look, Mama, I wiped!"
3. Can turn off the tears at the mere rustle of a lollipop wrapper.
4. Climbs out of crib without falling, grabs a board book and a stuffed animal, and goes back to bed.
5. Uses older sibling's safety scissors to cut leg holes in the bottom of sleep sack.
6. Pops pacifier out of mouth for gesturing purposes while telling a story. Reinserts paci.
7. Orders the surf 'n' turf or whatever other menu item would make her the most expensive dining companion this evening.
8. Knows how to use the selfie stick.
9. Can no longer sit on open dishwasher door without risking a call to the repair shop.
10. Inspires veterinarian visit: The dog officially needs anti-anxiety meds.
11. Can help intelligent, cute-as-heck, only-slightly-jaded single aunt swipe left or right per her instructions. Wait, no, not on him!!!!!
12. Most certainly does not want to wear the outfit you've laid out.
13. Notices that Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star and the ABC's song are exactly the same. Gives you a look like you've been messing with him.
14. When asleep, stops doing that sucky face thing where he's clearly drinking milk in his dreams. (Waaaa...now it's your turn to cry.)
Lauren Smith Brody is a writer, consultant, and founder of The Fifth Trimester. She is also the author of the upcoming book The Fifth Trimester: The Working Mom's Guide to Style, Sanity, and Big Success After Baby(Doubleday, April 2017).