Babies are cute in countless ways, but, jeez, they sure can be weird and gross sometimes, almost to the point where it seems like they're from another planet. This sort of stuff is totally normal, and very common, of course, but that doesn't make it any less strange. Here are four examples from my own personal experience of raising three bizarre babies.
Speaking in Tongues. At first, I found baby talk adorable. But somewhere after one year of age, all three of my kids started spewing long unintelligible sentences complete with hand gestures, and they often got frustrated when I couldn't interpret what they were saying. This may be a normal part of language development, but it's still pretty darn creepy.
Staring. I'll never forget how unnerving it was to find my first child staring at me like I had a third eye. I'm not talking about a casual glance, by the way. I'm talking about a deep, penetrating stare that made me think he was peering into my soul. Turns out, according to a doctor friend, that babies love studying faces, especially when they're attractive. Well, thank you for the compliment, baby. Now enough with the stink eye, huh?
Head Banging. When I caught my first child gleefully whacking his head against the side of his crib, I thought he was possessed, or worse, a fan of heavy metal. Neither was true. My pediatrician shared that babies routinely bang their heads as a way to -- get this -- self-soothe, deal with frustration or demand attention. Save that sort of thing for your first Metallica concert, kiddies.
Open-Mouthed Kisses. Nothing's better than kissing a baby, but at some point they'll be old enough to return the favor in the sloppiest way you can possibly imagine. And when that happens, you'd best be prepared for the wettest open-mouthed kiss you've ever had.
Donald S. Deane is the proud papa of three little boys who provide endless amounts of joy and sleep deprivation. He has held a variety of jobs, including college English teacher, newspaper reporter/editor, internet project manager, dishwasher and dogcatcher. Don has written for AOL TV, Moviefone, TheFW, ScreenCrush, GuySpeed, and Arcade Sushi, among others.
Parenting advice is given as a suggestion only. We recommend you also consult your healthcare provider.