My time as a parent is full of memorable experiences, like when my kids crawled, walked and laughed for the first time. But there are other moments -- totally shocking ones -- that I'll never forget, for all the wrong reasons.
Poop in the Tub. I look forward to bath time, but nothing prepared me for the horrifying spectacle of poop in the tub. Try to wrap your brain around the logistics of cleaning that up. Just goes to show -- without the protective barrier of a diaper, anything can happen.
Cursing. When my first child was still a toddler, he went from sweet-faced and innocent to having a crazy potty-mouth. This, thankfully, was a very brief stage. Beats me where he heard it, but it DEFINITELY wasn't from me. Must have been Grandpa.
Pee in the Eye. Boys, unlike girls, are natural born sharpshooters. I learned this firsthand during a diaper change. I hate to admit how many times this has happened, but if anybody's listening, I'd like a hazmat suit for my birthday.
Catching One of My Kids in a Lie for the First Time. I knew lying would happen someday, but I was still floored when I caught one of my kids pilfering candy and he swore he didn't do it. (The chocolate smeared on his face was a dead giveaway.) At that point, parenting became a whole lot more complicated.
Stomach Bugs. A stomach bug may seem like a trivial illness, but there's nothing more profoundly startling than projectile vomiting. Although upset tummies tend to disappear as quickly as they come, they've taught me to view nausea with a mixture of fear and intense dread. That, and the importance of always having a bucket nearby.
Donald S. Deane is the proud papa of three little boys who provide endless amounts of joy and sleep deprivation. He has held a variety of jobs, including college English teacher, newspaper reporter/editor, internet project manager, dishwasher and dogcatcher. Don has written for AOL TV, Moviefone, TheFW, ScreenCrush, GuySpeed, and Arcade Sushi, among others.
Parenting advice is given as a suggestion only. We recommend you also consult your healthcare provider.