Recognizing Emotions

How do kids know what they’re feeling?
You probably don’t remember how you learned to identify your feelings, but the important part is that you learned. Now it’s time to teach your kids to recognize their emotions accurately and manage them effectively so they can build positive relationships with others.

For example
While watching a movie one day, Katie turns to her mom with surprise and says, “Mommy, my eyes are wet!” Her mom smiles and replies, “It looks like you have tears in your eyes. That part of the movie was really sad. Sometimes when people feel sad, they cry. Sometimes we even cry when we are happy!”

What’s going on
Katie is practicing an important skill: she’s recognizing her emotions. Recognizing emotions is the ability to use cues from our facial expressions, our body (physiology), and from the sound of our voice to identify how someone is feeling. Think about all of the different cues you might notice when you have different feelings:

Facial expressions: eyes open wide or narrow, looking up or looking down, eyebrows raised or pulled together, mouth open or closed, smiling or frowning
Physiology: heart rate (fast or slow), breathing, tension (tight or relaxed shoulders), energy level
Tone of voice: loud or soft, stern or gentle

How to help your child
Here are a few ideas to try at home to support your child’s ability to recognize emotions.

With infants and toddlers:

• Get to know your child’s emotion cues and help him develop emotion vocabulary by pointing out what you see when your child is showing different feelings. “Oh, that is a big frown! You must be feeling frustrated!” or “I see a big smile and you are jumping up and down. I wonder if you are excited!”
• Help your child get to know your emotion cues by talking about your feelings and how you are showing them: “I am so tired today! My eyes feel like they want to close and I am moving really slowly.”
• Play games with baby dolls that help your child practice recognizing emotions. “I think this baby is sad. Can you show me what the baby does when she is sad? What does the baby do when she is mad? What about when she is feeling happy?”

With preschoolers:

• Search for emotion clues. When you are reading books together, look for the clues in the pictures that tell us what characters are feeling. Clues are found in characters’ mouths, eyes, eyebrows, and bodies.
• Ask questions that help your child notice these cues: “What is her mouth doing? Look at her eyes and eyebrows. What do you think his voice sounds like?” Then try out the facial expressions and voices. “Look at my face when I do what he’s doing. Can you do it, too?”
• Sing the song below and take turns making different faces as you imagine different feelings. Use one another’s cues to guess the feeling you are each trying to show. Play this game in front of a mirror so your child can see the faces she is making.

Susan E. Rivers, Ph.D.
Susan E. Rivers, Ph.D. is a social psychologist and expert on emotional intelligence and social and emotional learning. She was a member of the Yale University Department of Psychology’s research faculty, the founding deputy director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, as well as a co-developer of the RULER framework for teaching emotional intelligence in preschool through middle school classrooms. Dr. Rivers is currently the Executive Director at iThrive, a non-profit that helps teens develop social and emotional skills, and positive psychology habits through the use of digital games.

Shauna Tominey, Ph.D.
Shauna Tominey, Ph.D., is an experienced early childhood and parenting educator with a great deal of experience in research programs promoting social and emotional skills for both children and adults. She also co-authored the book Stop, Think, Act: Integrating Self-Regulation in the Early Childhood Classroom. Dr. Tominey is taking on a new role as an Assistant Professor of Practice and Parenting Education Specialist at Oregon State University.