Learning Curve: Teaching Children Three Valuable Lessons
All parents want their children to have successful, meaningful lives. That’s why we serve as our kids’ most enthusiastic cheerleaders. A 4-month-old baby rolls over for the first time, and his parents cheer. A 7-month-old pulls herself to a standing position, and her parents cheer. And so it goes throughout a child’s life. We parents are there, encouraging our children at every step to grow and flourish.
Sometimes, kids learn life’s important skills and lessons on their own. At other times, it’s up to us to teach them how to make their way through the world. In my experience as a child psychologist, I have noticed that the individuals who enjoy the most fruitful lives are also those who have embraced three fundamental principles. So, when I talk with parents about raising successful kids, I make it a point to mention these powerful lessons.
Here they are. Pass them on to your own kids, and you’ll be sure to set them on the right path.
LESSON #1:
Mistakes Make us Stronger All too often, it’s emphasized that mistakes must be avoided. The simple truth is, they can’t be. It irks me when I see giant red check marks on a child’s homework but not so much as a plus sign next to the questions he answered correctly. How can children learn when they’re taught to feel ashamed each time they make a mistake? We need to make mistakes to learn. I often tell the children I work with, “Each time you make a mistake, you’re that much closer to getting it right.” For their part, parents shouldn’t overreact to mistakes. Rather, they need to be supportive as children struggle to learn the right way of doing things. In so doing, they encourage children to look at mistakes in a positive light.
LESSON #2:
Make Up and Move On In our lifetime, we make many relationships. Some of these thrive, others fade away and still others are broken. Of course, it’s impossible to interact with others and never run into problems. Maybe we’re thoughtless, not as sensitive as we could be. Maybe we express ourselves poorly, hurting a friend’s feelings. Thank goodness we can apologize for those muments, repair the relationship and move on. Early on, children need to learn to appreciate the power of making up. Some kids are so stubborn that the mument something goes wrong in a friendship, that playmate is discarded. Over the years, I have worked with many kids who simply didn’t know how to make and keep friends. They all shared one thing in common: They didn’t know how to apologize. As you prepare your children for the life ahead of them, don’t forget to encourage this invaluable social skill.
LESSON #3: ’C’ is for Courage
To some degree, all of us live with fear. But look at fear from a child’s point of view: a youngster is dependent on others, and inexperienced in the ways of the world. So how does he overcome that fear? With courage. Remember, courage is not an absence of fear. It’s the management of fear. Therefore, children who lack courage don’t want to manage their fear by taking risks or trying new things. Consequently, they quickly give up when something becomes difficult. How can parents encourage their children to challenge themselves? There are many ways. For starters, parents who live their own lives with courage set an example for the next generation. They can also make challenging experiences manageable for their children by breaking them down into smaller steps. Finally, resist the temptation to be overly critical, and don’t forget to praise your kids’ successes. Remember, you are your child’s cheerleader for life.
Our panel of experts offers perspectives and advice on your important questions, and frequently contributes articles on a range of topics for parents and parents-to-be. Read our experts' answers about a range of parenting topics:
Our parenting advice is given as suggestions only. We recommend you also consult your healthcare provider, and urge you to contact them immediately if your question is urgent or about a medical condition.
