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How to Handle Parent-Teacher Conferences
Kenneth N. Condrell, Ph.D.
Child Psychologist
School is a place where your child does a lot of growing up. And, as I’m sure you’re aware, no child matures without making mistakes. So, where does a parent learn about a child’s problems at school?
Often, it’s at the parent-teacher conference.
As the new school year approaches, I’d like to offer some valuable tips to guide you through that time-honored ritual between teacher and parent. Armed with this advice, you can enter your next parent-teacher conference confident—and leave with the ability to help your child through any predicament.
THE RIGHT ATTITUDE
In school your child is faced with many demands: sitting quietly for long periods of time. Coping with making mistakes and criticism. Working independently. Getting along with authority figures. Making friends, being organized and dealing with rejection.
What I’m leading up to is this: school is more than reading, writing and arithmetic. It’s a piece of life. School challenges your child as a whole person, giving him the skills he’ll rely on to run his life when he’s older. All the while, your child’s teacher is observing how your child deals with these demands. The teacher is in a unique position to observe your child’s academic, emotional and social development. Take seriously anything he or she tells you.
That’s what I mean by having the right attitude. Think of your child’s teacher as another parent sharing the responsibility of raising your child. It’s your responsibility to pay attention to what the teacher tells you.
DON’T PANIC
If you’re called for a conference—beyond the ones regularly scheduled for all students during the year—stay calm. Remember, it’s normal for children to get into trouble and make mistakes in school. When you’re cool-headed, you’re better able to work with the teacher and solve whatever problem exists.
COMPLIMENT THE TEACHER
One of the main reasons parent-teacher conferences fall apart is that each of the parties worries that the other will blame him or her for the child’s shortcoming. As a result, parent and a teacher start off a conference feeling sensitive and defensive. A parent can ease the tension by offering sincere compliments to the teacher at the beginning of the conference. If the teacher is wise he, too, will pass on a compliment to the parent.
STRUCTURE THE CONFERENCE
It’s important for parents to set the right tone for the conference. For example, you might start off by saying something like this:
“I’m here to see what’s going well with my son, what he needs help with and how we can work together.”
DON’T CRITICIZE THE TEACHER
When a teacher criticizes or finds fault with a child, many parents instinctively want to protect their child by criticizing the teacher in return. This reaction is normal, but it often gets in the way of a productive conference. Keep in mind that your child’s teacher is sticking her neck out when she brings a problem to your attention. She knows you could become angry with her or go to the principal to complain. So don’t lash back at a teacher who offers constructive criticism.
KEEP AN OPEN MIND
Your child’s teacher may be wrong about your child, mind you. But, then again, he could be pointing out something you didn’t know. Before you go to a parent-teacher conference, keep the following statistic in mind: about 95% of children seen by psychologists in private offices and clinics are there because teachers brought a problem to the parents’ attention.
AREAS TO EXPLORE
During a conference you want to learn about your child’s progress in a number of areas. The following questions will help you obtain this information:
Do children value my child as a good playmate?
Does my child have friends in the class?
Is my child academically behind in any subjects?
Does my child need help from a tutor?
Does my child follow the rules in the classroom?
Is my child respectful?
If you’re worried you’ll forget any of these questions, write them down and bring them to the conference.
SOLVING PROBLEMS
There’s a good chance that, working together, you and the teacher can solve whatever problems were discussed at the conference. However, you may still leave the meeting unsure why your child is struggling. If this is the case, consider asking the school psychologist to evaluate your child. The school psychologist is expert at figuring out the exact nature of a problem and what can be done to solve it. If you don’t want to rely on the school, you can locate a child psychologist through your pediatrician.
By following these tips, you’re likely to have a satisfying and productive parent-teacher conference.
Often, it’s at the parent-teacher conference.
As the new school year approaches, I’d like to offer some valuable tips to guide you through that time-honored ritual between teacher and parent. Armed with this advice, you can enter your next parent-teacher conference confident—and leave with the ability to help your child through any predicament.
THE RIGHT ATTITUDE
In school your child is faced with many demands: sitting quietly for long periods of time. Coping with making mistakes and criticism. Working independently. Getting along with authority figures. Making friends, being organized and dealing with rejection.
What I’m leading up to is this: school is more than reading, writing and arithmetic. It’s a piece of life. School challenges your child as a whole person, giving him the skills he’ll rely on to run his life when he’s older. All the while, your child’s teacher is observing how your child deals with these demands. The teacher is in a unique position to observe your child’s academic, emotional and social development. Take seriously anything he or she tells you.
That’s what I mean by having the right attitude. Think of your child’s teacher as another parent sharing the responsibility of raising your child. It’s your responsibility to pay attention to what the teacher tells you.
DON’T PANIC
If you’re called for a conference—beyond the ones regularly scheduled for all students during the year—stay calm. Remember, it’s normal for children to get into trouble and make mistakes in school. When you’re cool-headed, you’re better able to work with the teacher and solve whatever problem exists.
COMPLIMENT THE TEACHER
One of the main reasons parent-teacher conferences fall apart is that each of the parties worries that the other will blame him or her for the child’s shortcoming. As a result, parent and a teacher start off a conference feeling sensitive and defensive. A parent can ease the tension by offering sincere compliments to the teacher at the beginning of the conference. If the teacher is wise he, too, will pass on a compliment to the parent.
STRUCTURE THE CONFERENCE
It’s important for parents to set the right tone for the conference. For example, you might start off by saying something like this:
“I’m here to see what’s going well with my son, what he needs help with and how we can work together.”
DON’T CRITICIZE THE TEACHER
When a teacher criticizes or finds fault with a child, many parents instinctively want to protect their child by criticizing the teacher in return. This reaction is normal, but it often gets in the way of a productive conference. Keep in mind that your child’s teacher is sticking her neck out when she brings a problem to your attention. She knows you could become angry with her or go to the principal to complain. So don’t lash back at a teacher who offers constructive criticism.
KEEP AN OPEN MIND
Your child’s teacher may be wrong about your child, mind you. But, then again, he could be pointing out something you didn’t know. Before you go to a parent-teacher conference, keep the following statistic in mind: about 95% of children seen by psychologists in private offices and clinics are there because teachers brought a problem to the parents’ attention.
AREAS TO EXPLORE
During a conference you want to learn about your child’s progress in a number of areas. The following questions will help you obtain this information:
If you’re worried you’ll forget any of these questions, write them down and bring them to the conference.
SOLVING PROBLEMS
There’s a good chance that, working together, you and the teacher can solve whatever problems were discussed at the conference. However, you may still leave the meeting unsure why your child is struggling. If this is the case, consider asking the school psychologist to evaluate your child. The school psychologist is expert at figuring out the exact nature of a problem and what can be done to solve it. If you don’t want to rely on the school, you can locate a child psychologist through your pediatrician.
By following these tips, you’re likely to have a satisfying and productive parent-teacher conference.
