Your toddler or preschooler is figuring out how much power he has, what his limits are, how independent he can be. He's torn between wanting to be separate from you and needing you to be close. How he feels and acts may change from moment to moment.

• Give your child practice making choices. That's how he develops confidence in his judgment. Independence comes from learning to make decisions for himself.

• Give children manageable tasks that they can complete: picking up dirty laundry and throwing it in the hamper, putting napkins and silverware on the table for dinner. Let them develop pride in taking responsibility.

• Help children develop confidence in their own problem-solving abilities by talking about what if situations: What if you wanted a sandwich and we were out of bread? What could you use instead? What if you threw the ball and it went over the fence? Who could you ask for help?

• Teach your child to do things for himself. If you break down complex tasks like getting dressed into small steps, he can gradually master them as his skills improve.

• Let your child try to work out things on his own. Don't always intervene right away to help. Becoming independent also means learning from your mistakes. If he does manage to solve his problem, he'll have the added reward of feeling proud of himself.

Much as we hate to see our children unhappy, dealing with disappointment and hurt is part of life. Offer lots of sympathy and let your child know you understand how he feels.

Encourage your child to try new things and to overcome his fears, but don't force him before he's ready. Remember that every child is different. Try not to judge him by comparing him with other children.