Q:
My 4½-year-old grandson started putting his fingers in his mouth when his dad, my son, was sent overseas. I feel that this is a stress release for him, but I am worried about how to discourage him from doing this.
His dad is due home in a few days. Will this stop once my son gets home? How should my son and daughter-in-law curb this habit? You should also know that my grandson was adopted by my son, and I wonder if this could be a reaction to fear that his new daddy is never coming back.
A:
Children are almost always stressed when their parents are away for a long time. Adopted children often feel insecure and worry about losing a parent. This is especially true when a child is adopted at a later age. It can take a year or two for an adopted child of 4 or more to feel safe in his new home.
For now, I suggest you don't focus on the fingers in the mouth and instead focus on helping this child to feel secure. Recognize the behavior as a signal that your grandson needs a hug; you can also distract him by playing a fun game. Fingers in the mouth will pass; this is not serious. What is serious is helping your grandson feel secure in his new home.
Kenneth N. Condrell Ph.D Child Psychologist
