Q:
My soon-to-be 5-year-old grandson is what everyone calls a “cry baby.” If his parents forget to kiss him goodbye or cut his food a certain way, he’ll cry. Most of the time he’s fine, but this seems to be an ongoing problem. He is not doing this to get his way because he is a good, obedient boy. He is just in the “habit” of crying for any little thing. Nothing we do—correction, consequences, soothing, ignoring the crying, reasoning—seems to work. We need to know whether this is normal and what we can do to scale down his reaction.
A:
Frequent crying occurs in children when they find out that it works. They get all sorts of attention when they cry, so it’s hard for them to give it up. I’m sure everyone ignores the crying at times, but to stop this habit it must be consistently ignored. Here’s what I recommend:
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Be sure your grandson doesn’t have any real reason for crying. Is it possible his parents aren’t spending enough time loving and enjoying him? Some parents are so busy with their careers that they leave their children hungry for attention. Hopefully this is not a problem for your grandson, but you need to check this out.
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Everyone has to be on the same page when your grandson starts to cry. When he cries the adult closest to him simply says, “As soon as you stop crying I will talk with you.” Once that statement is made, the adults should act as if the child is invisible. The second he stops, the adult closest to him gives him the attention he wants.
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Create a big boy chart and place it on the refrigerator. Give your grandson a sticker at the end of each day for crying less than he has in the past. As the weeks pass you can require less and less crying in order to earn a sticker. The stickers can be traded in at the end of the day for a privilege.
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Arrange for your grandson to spend more one-on-one time with his father. Time with Dad helps little boys feel proud of being “grown-up.”
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Arrange for activities outside the home that will make your grandson feel more competent and confident.
If you follow this advice, the crying should subside over the next two months.
Kenneth N. Condrell Ph.D Child Psychologist
Our parenting advice is given as suggestions only. We recommend you also consult your healthcare provider, and urge you to contact them immediately if your question is urgent or about a medical condition.
