Q:
My 13-month-old granddaughter has been with the same sitter since she was 3 months, but now the sitter is considering quitting. The problem is that whenever the sitter leaves her sight my granddaughter screams uncontrollably. She's never left alone; usually another older child or adult will be in the room. But they can't console or distract her. There are five adults in her home, and her mother works. We don't want to change sitters and deal with the trauma of a change.
A:
A lot of what you're experiencing is typical. Generally, between the age of 2 and 3 children learn that adults come and go, and their sense of panic disappears.
I don't have a good sense of how involved your granddaughter's mom is with her child, but my impression is that everyone in the family spends more time with this little girl than her own mom. If I'm right, her mom needs to find ways to spend more time with her daughter, so the absence of the sitter will not be so stressful. Also, is there a dad in the picture? If so, how involved is he with his daughter?
Your granddaughter certainly seems to be getting a lot of love in this family. However, the primary adults in her life should be her parents. This will help her better tolerate separation and a change in babysitters.
Kenneth N. Condrell Ph.D Child Psychologist
