For Your Daughter
If you are interested in being there for the birth of your grandchild, discuss the possibilities with your daughter. In all the excitement, she may not have thought about it. Assure her that you'll do whatever makes her feel the most comfortable. Let your desires be known, then follow hers. If you are invited, go; don't be afraid to do so. Reminisce about your own delivery without making light of hers. Tell jokes, tell stories, tell the nurses to bring ice chips! Remember, any distraction is a good distraction. If your daughter plans on natural childbirth, it will be hard to see your child in pain. But in any case, attending the birth of your grandchild will be an experience you will never forget.

The greatest bond is between mother and child. There is no more touching picture than a woman with her newborn. A father rounds out the portrait nicely. However, most women say that even in such an ideal circumstance, something is missing from the picture: they experience an emotional emptiness, a desire for their own mother to be there.

In fact, many new parents' biggest disappointment after childbirth is that their mothers aren't there to share the spectacle of new life and complete the circle. If you can, be there for your baby. Be there for your baby's baby. Be there for you. Grandchildren are the second greatest bond.

If you can't be there, be in touch. Send flowers immediately. Mail her a copy of a major newspaper like the New York Times printed on the baby's birthday to save for posterity. Better yet, send a new bathrobe or a casual outfit appropriate for the jubilant trek home from the hospital. By the end of nine months, most new mothers are as anxious for a change of clothes as they are to have that baby! When shopping, think cheerful, loose, and easy access for breastfeeding.

For Your Daughter-in-Law
If your daughter-in-law asks you to be present in the delivery room, and if you feel comfortable being there, go right ahead. Otherwise, wait to visit until after the baby is born. Even if your son or the friendly hospital staff invite you into the labor and delivery room, your daughter-in-law may prefer some privacy but not want to make waves. If you recall, childbirth is a very messy ordeal. More importantly, she may want her husband all to herself - after so much effort, she'll need some personal attention. It's best to test the water before you jump in.

Once the baby is born, you can ingratiate yourself into the household best by making things as easy as possible for the parents. Cook dinner, hire maid service, entertain the other children, or watch the baby so the parents can take a much-needed nap. The new parents will appreciate and value anything you do for them.

If you cannot be with the new parents soon after delivery, call often. Keep the conversation brief. Send a gift that will stand out from the crowd: his-and-hers slippers (for nighttime feedings), a roll of film, a lullaby tape, or a personalized baby blanket. Being far away doesn't take any of the glamour from grandmotherhood - for you or the children. You're special wherever you are.