Q:
I’m a grandmother of a soon to be 4-year-old whose parents recently got divorced. How should I talk to him about the divorce if he has questions? Both parents are very loving and want the best for him, but they argue at times. He seems to be handling it well right now.
A:
Children need to understand why their parents no longer live together, and they need to be reassured that their parents will not stop living with them. You can use your own words, but here is what I would say to a young child about his parent’s divorce:
“Your mom and dad have decided to live in separate houses because they stopped loving each other.” (Notice that neither parent is blamed. It only hurts a child when he’s told that one parent is good and the other is bad, or that one parent ruined the family.)
“Even though parents sometimes stop loving each other, they never stop loving their children.” (This is an important message to communicate, because children can fear that their parents might someday leave them.)
You might also want to pick out a couple of picture books about divorce to read to your grandson. Stories are a great way to help young children understand difficult family situations.
Kenneth N. Condrell Ph.D Child Psychologist
Our parenting advice is given as suggestions only. We recommend you also consult your healthcare provider, and urge you to contact them immediately if your question is urgent or about a medical condition.