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Family Matters

13 Things You Never Want to Hear Your Kid Say in Public

Or in private, really...

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There you are, at the grocery store (or the bank or the airport security line) doing everything right. Your kid is fed, clothed, maybe even in a good mood. And then she drops one of these lovely word bombs. Take comfort: It's a rite of parenthood, and you'll laugh about it one day. (Just maybe not this day. Eek!)

1. "Never mind, I don't needa go potty anymore!"

2. "Hey look, it's Miss Allison from school-why isn't she wearing more clothes?"

3. "Hahaha! That daddy over there just stepped in the gum I dropped!"

4. "Here's some money for you, Daddy. I took it from Grandma's purse!"

5. "That girl is Olivia, the one who started the lice at school!"

6. "Aww. But is it PG because there's bad words...or special hugging?"

7. "Is that lady so fat because she's having twins like Auntie Sarah?"

8. "But if coffee is your drug of choice, dontcha go to the doctor for it?"

9.. "If you want me to say yes, I'm going to need another piece of candy." 

10. "C'mon Mommy, burp the alphabet-you know how!" 

11. "Is that the lady who's your friend on the computer, but not in real life?" 

12. "Hey, I'm not 3! I'm 4! I get to have my own ticket. I'm not free anymore!" 

13. "Actually, I thought I didn't needa go potty, but guess what? There was more!"

Lauren Smith Brody is a writer, consultant, and founder of The Fifth Trimester. She is also the author of the upcoming bookThe Fifth Trimester: The Working Mom's Guide to Style, Sanity, and Big Success After Baby(Doubleday, April 2017).