Why won't baby fall asleep for the sitter?

Q: I am the only one who can get my daughter to sleep at night and it usually takes a while. This is a problem when we go out and the sitter tries to get her to go to sleep. She stays up until we get home. Any suggestions?
A: Yes, I have some suggestions to help you. You did not mention your daughter’s age, but I’m guessing she is somewhere between 18 months and 2½ years old. This is the time children not only have bedtime problems, but are into the “I WANT MOMMY TO DO IT” syndrome.

Here are some suggestions:
  • Relax your expectations when the sitter is over about putting your daughter to bed. Instead, have the sitter carry out the bedtime routine you have established for your daughter. This should involve about 30 minutes of calming down with a bath, playing in the tub, getting into pajamas, having a snack and hearing some bedtime stories. The only difference for the sitter is that the stories will be read in the family room while they are snuggling on the couch. The lights are dim and the television is off, things are quiet, and soon your daughter should fall asleep.
  • I also recommend you start challenging your daughter at home when she demands that only you can put her to bed. Say to her, “Mommy is busy and Daddy will put you to bed tonight. I will come in later to read you a story and give you a kiss.” The next step is for you to allow dad to do what he has to do without coming to his rescue. And dad has to expect that he will just have to hang in there getting his daughter ready for bed, despite all her protests. Staying calm is very important: you want to lovingly show your child she is not calling all the shots, and that she has two parents who love her and will take care of her.
  • Another variation is for mom not to hang around, but leave to do some shopping or run an errand.
  • Regarding the sitter, you might also try having her come over on a night when you are not planning to go out. It would be worthwhile to pay the sitter for this time, so she can join in with you as you get your daughter ready for bed. Then the sitter becomes more familiar with your bedtime routine, and your daughter can begin to associate the sitter with her bedtime routine.

Remember, as you go through all of this, that you are not alone: this behavior is very typical for children in this age range.
Kenneth N. Condrell Ph.D Child Psychologist