You just had your first baby. Your family and friends have gathered for a party. You walk in holding your infant. You’re both the center of attention, and you feel so proud.

Then, suddenly, she starts to cry. And she doesn’t stop. In fact, it becomes even more intense. Frantically, you try comforting her, but nothing seems to work – not rocking her, walking her, talking to her, offering her a pacifier or changing her diaper.

And then it starts. The experienced parents begin offering advice and commentary. “Put her down and let her cry it out.” “You shouldn’t give her a pacifier—it will ruin her mouth.” “Hold her over your shoulder.”

The older women start looking at you critically—or at least you think they are. You’re beginning to feel like a failure. “I can’t even satisfy my own baby,” you think. Tears well up in your eyes as you leave the room, worried that there’s something wrong with your child, or you.

Is this scene familiar? If so, don’t despair. Just as babies come in different sizes, they’re also born with different temperaments.

Some babies seem more relaxed and can be comforted easily. Others are quick to react and slow to settle down. In the past, these babies were labeled “fussy.” Today, pediatricians often refer to them as “high-need babies.”

If you have a high-need baby, the first step to take is to better understand your baby’s nature. This will prevent you from blaming yourself or your baby for her outbursts. It will also help you realize that your baby needs a lot of attention and patience.

Remember, when your baby was inside of you, everything she needed was right there. Life in your womb was the perfect environment. At birth, she suddenly enters a whole new world. Some babies handle this change with ease. High-need babies have a hard time adjusting. They cry more frequently and more intensely, and they’re slow to be comforted.

With a high-need baby you have to experiment with one comforting tool after another. Eventually you will find some that work. One mother finds that running water from a faucet helps comfort her baby. Another discovers that the sound of a hair dryer soothes her child.

Whichever comforting tools you discover, don’t expect them to work every time. High-need babies are unpredictable; what works one day may not work the next.

High-need babies also tend to become easily upset in the arms of anyone other than their parents. They just don’t seem to like change or substitute caregivers. They show extreme mood swings. When they’re happy, they’re absolutely adorable. But when they’re upset they become very upset and are slow to calm down.

High-need babies are more sensitive to their environment than other infants. They’re easily bothered and easily stimulated. They cry when the littlest things bother them. They startle easily and often awaken at the slightest noise.

Many high-need babies crave being touched, and they crave motion. They tend not to like being cuddled, however. It takes them a while to learn how to relax in their parents’ arms.

Now, this description of the high-need baby is not meant to discourage you. Instead, knowing what to expect should remind you to be patient with your baby as she adjusts to her new world. The better you understand your child, the better equipped you will be to help her make this adjustment.

To learn more about high-need babies, read “The Fussy Baby: How to Bring out the Best in Your High-Need Child” by William and Martha Sears.