Q:
I have a 14-year-old daughter who treats her 2-year-old brother like a girl. She puts makeup on him and styles his hair with clips and scrunchies. The problem is, he likes it. He can maneuver elastics and scrunchies like a pro. It’s all he wants to do—I've tried to divert his attention to other things, but from the time he wakes up until bedtime, all he wants to do is "hair" stuff. My husband doesn’t like this “girly” behavior, and he’s worried about our son. If you ask my 2-year-old, he says that he’s pretty and wants to grow up to be a girl. Is this normal? I thought it was just a phase from being around girls, and that it would stop…but it hasn’t. What can we do? I'm at a loss.
A:
Well, Cindy, you have presented me with a situation I have never heard of before. Your daughter can’t turn her brother into a girl, but she can influence him at this age. It is confusing to treat a male toddler like a girl or a female toddler like a boy. Your teenage daughter may think she is having fun or what she is doing is cute. Then again, she may do this because she’s jealous of her 2-year-old brother. Whatever her motivation, she needs to stop. No more make–up, scrunchies or hairclips.
By the way, your question makes me wonder why your 14-year-old girl is playing dress-up with a 2-year-old instead of busy with her own friends and activities. It sounds to me that your daughter may be spending more time with your son than dad has been. If this is the case, I suggest father make time with his son a priority.
Kenneth N. Condrell Ph.D Child Psychologist
Our parenting advice is given as suggestions only. We recommend you also consult your healthcare provider, and urge you to contact them immediately if your question is urgent or about a medical condition.
