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How can we help our smaller twin feel as special as her sister?
Q: I have 4-year-old identical twin daughters who refuse to be different; however, they are about two inches apart in height. We are always asked if they are twins, and the response is always, "Oh, one seems bigger than the other." The problem is the smaller one is feeling sad because she is called the smaller one. How can we get her to feel as special as her sister, instead of always feeling like “the little one“? Or, how do we get the taller one from thinking she is better than her sister?
A: I am the mother of twins, but as ours are a boy-girl pair, I never had your problem. Since your girls are identical, it is unusual to find a two-inch disparity in height at their age. It may be that they are not truly identical, and other differences may appear in time.

If they are identical, this height differential may give you the opportunity many parents of twins long for—a basis for helping them establish their own identity and for being accepted by other people as two separate individuals, rather than clones. Here’s your chance to dress them differently and to help other people tell them apart.

As for the short one’s feelings about being smaller, you can find many ways to reassure her that people vary in height, that some are tall and some are short. Perhaps you have a sister who is taller than you are that you can use as an example. Don’t hesitate to introduce her to old sayings, like, “Good things come in small packages.” Point out other friends she might have who are small. Offer her some reassurance, but don’t pass up this opportunity to help your girls differentiate themselves from one another.